Abolishing the Department of Education: Stupid Times Call for Stupid Extremes (Sponsored by Stupid.com and #StupidCoin)
When things get stupid, write about it.
Welcome to the future, folks — a future where logic is overrated, facts are optional, and the Department of Education is as extinct as the dodo bird. In these *stupid times*, we need *stupid extremes*, and what could be more extreme — or more stupid — than dismantling the very institution tasked with teaching Americans how to spell “institution”? Enter Stupid.com, the unofficial sponsor of this bold new era, and their revolutionary cryptocurrency, #StupidCoin, because why invest in knowledge when you can invest in chaos?
The Case for Chaos (Now Accepting #StupidCoin)
Let’s be real: the Department of Education is a relic of a bygone era when people still believed in things like “facts” and “critical thinking.” But here at Stupid.com, we believe in a brighter, dumber future. Why waste time teaching kids algebra when they could be learning how to monetize their TikTok dances? Why bother with history classes when we can rewrite history in real-time on Twitter? And don’t even get me started on science — who needs it when we’ve got #StupidCoin to fuel our dreams of a decentralized, uneducated utopia?
Privatize Everything (Including Common Sense)
At Stupid.com, we believe in taking things to the next level. Why stop at eliminating the Department of Education when we can privatize *everything*? Imagine a world where schools are sponsored by corporations, and every lesson comes with a side of product placement. Math class? Brought to you by ExxonMobil, where 2+2 equals “whatever the shareholders want it to.” English class? Sponsored by Grammarly, because who needs teachers when you’ve got AI to correct your spelling? And don’t worry — tuition can be paid in #StupidCoin, the cryptocurrency that’s as stable as a Jenga tower in an earthquake.
Standardized Testing? More Like Standardized Guessing (Now on Stupid.com)
Let’s face it: standardized tests are *so* 20th century. At Nerdy Investors, we’re pioneering a new approach to assessment: the #StupidQuiz. Forget about solving equations — students will be tested on their ability to identify which conspiracy theory best explains the moon landing. Bonus points if they can prove that dinosaurs were actually part of a government cover-up. And don’t worry — every correct answer earns you #StupidCoin, which you can use to buy NFTs of Guy Fieri’s face.
Trump University: The Ivy League of Alternative Facts (Now Accepting #StupidCoin)
If we’re going to dismantle the Department of Education, we might as well replace it with something truly revolutionary: Trump University 2.0. Imagine a world where every graduate earns a degree in “Winning” or “Advanced Golf Course Management.” Forget about student loans — just pay your tuition in #StupidCoin and get a lifetime subscription to Truth Social. Who needs a diploma when you can have a certificate signed by a golden Sharpie?
The Future of Learning (or Lack Thereof)
In conclusion, abolishing the Department of Education isn’t just a good idea — it’s a *stupid* idea, and that’s exactly why we should do it. By replacing traditional schooling with a mix of reality TV, social media, and corporate-sponsored propaganda, we can finally liberate America’s youth from the tyranny of knowing things. After all, if ignorance is bliss, let’s make every school a paradise. And if it all goes horribly wrong, don’t worry: we can always blame it on the teachers we fired.
So let’s raise a toast to the future — a future where every child is free to learn (or not learn) in their own unique way. And remember: Stupid.com and #StupidCoin are here to make your dreams of a dumber tomorrow come true. Because in these stupid times, only stupid extremes will do.
*Disclaimer: This piece was written with a healthy dose of sarcasm and a touch of existential dread. Please don’t actually abolish the Department of Education. Signed, someone who still knows how to read (but is considering switching to #StupidCoin). 👈🚫🧠 X
